User blog:Nz94/So I guess this is "sorry" for all that shig earlier
Jesus. Looking back on my early days, and even the other blog post, I sound like a total dickhead who had no clue what he was doing on s4s. And that's really true, I just *didn't*. In doing so, I annoyed a lot of people through my bid for popularity, even though popularity doesn't even matter on such a nice board, and things just came apart in the end. And by the by, in case you were never let in on the ruse, my final true posts under "Tsuua" were just that - a giant ruse. My girlfriend didn't really break up with me, I was just making some stuff up to see how the board would react to me. I wanted to "unplug" (kek) for a while, and thought this was going out with a bang. However, I really just hurt myself in the end in burning a bridge I never wanted to. And as you can see, I still hadn't learnt my lesson as I started posting under Auustere not a week later (if I recall), and THAT failed and in the end I told off CPS, which I still feel bad about. So I guess what I'm trying to say is... sorry. For all this crap, my negative influence, and just being an immature kid to you all. I don't expect you to pity me in any way, I hate how I used to act since I only acted under impulse and lost my temper a lot. I'm a bit more refined by now, so I guess that's a plus, but the main thing is I don't want to become super popular on s4s, or at least not in the way I used to (Swaglord already's got that spotlight ;^D). "Terriyaki" as a name was an experiment after New Year's to see if I actually HAD changed from being an immature prick to being a laid-back dude who's alright with not being the center of attention. And you know what, I feel like I've moved more towards what this board deserves, a guy who doesn't lose his temper on a whim anymore and contributes OC, checks dubs (especially nubs, dubnubs, and trubs), and is just there posting good stuff in general. I genuinely hope I never go back to the posting pattern I did as "Tsuua," since it's really embarassing to look back upon, to be honest. That whole period of my life was just me being really immature, and I'm still just a teen growing up in this world. Hopefully by now I'm civil enough to carry on a simple career as an honest, kind namefig on s4s. Heck, I remember the day I left how Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ or somebody like that emailed me saying not to be sad about it all. He said sure, take breaks when you need (which is good advice for everybody), but always come back with a positive attitude when you're ready. The guy went on to say that it'd be a shame for a namefig like me to truly leave for good, since despite all the bad shit I did, he somehow only saw good. He brought up this one time I used his Suck Zone meme and made a map of it for fun; he said he smiled "in real IRL" and felt a kind of personal connection to the board itself. I emailed him back saying thank-you, and some other thing I forgot (I somehow lost the email over the year, but kept a Wordpad copy where I annoyingly expurgated some special thing nobody on s4s knew about yet - I believe it was about the s4s theme park). My response was no doubt self-centered and dickish to some extent, and I regret that I didn't see that back then. So now? I'm trying to undo some of the vain things and posts I made, especially here on the wiki. By no means am I re-establishing Tsuua as a namefig (I have no clue if I ever will) but I'm just erasing the bad things from s4s history. I edit some pages to change the tone of the post, and try to not make them seem like I was as huge an attention whore than I really was back then. Do I even want people to remember Tsuua as a name? Sure, why not. It brought some good things, and now I'm just trying to take out the bad. But, as you can probably tell, I will always identify as "Tsuua." Like right now, I am Damien Tsuua posting as "Terriyaki," but I'm not Damien Tsuua posting under the nametag "Tsuua." That'd bring up too many bad memories to me, and I want to get away from it so it doesn't ever have to happen again. Because you know what? Something I feel guilty, REALLY guilty, was done in my departure of s4s. Other namefigs died too, and it just wasn't right. I left because I was buttmad, [s4s Timeline|the [s4s timeline]] uses that exact term, but then others left because they thought I had proven something. They thought I shown that s4s can be a bad place, and while yeah it can be, it's not all bad. Not at all. However, my leaving was so extravagant that anything must've been believable, and right now I don't see as many familiar faces as I used to. That just bothers me, and there's no way I can put that emotion into text. Sometimes these sorts of thoughts and feels can't be conveyed over a simple blog post. However, I am glad that I had a talk with Akari on Omegle revealing that I was Tsuua. Surprisingly she was actually glad to see me, somehow overlooking or perhaps simply forgetting the fact I was a complete douche in my days posting as "Tsuua," and I told her I was now "Terriyaki." She said she told Kekkats about it but that he didn't seem too happy to see me at all, which is a reaction I now understand and can cope with. Because what I did to s4s was wrong. And nothing can undo it. But perhaps, maybe just maybe if I'm a good guy like I want to be, I can bring up a few namefigs and set an example for most posters. I want for s4s to be a really nice place, where people post nice things, comment on each other's OC, get together in threads for whatever, all that jazz. For it to be a true community. That's al I want - to just have a community, and after that maybe (just maybe) history will forget what I had done. So... I guess that's all, folks. -Tsuua Category:Blog posts